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Government Shutdown, Contd.
Amid the continuing government shutdown, Jimmy Fallon joked that it felt like one big metaphor for Donald Trump’s entire presidency.
“Everyone’s fighting. People are exhausted. There’s no end in sight. It’s basically like playing a game of Monopoly with your family.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Today, federal workers protested the shutdown outside the White House. It didn’t help when Trump rolled down a window and was like, ‘Don’t you have jobs to go to?’” — JIMMY FALLON
And Jimmy Kimmel piled on with his own critiques.
“The Democrats say that this is a crisis manufactured by the president. The president said, ‘That’s not true — I only manufacture things in China. I would never do that here.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Trump’s been promoting the idea of a wall. He started with concrete and then I guess, in the spirit of compromise, said, ‘O.K., we’ll make it out of steel slats.’ But the Department of Homeland Security did a test on a prototype, and they found that the slats can easily be cut with a saw. So unless you have $80 and access to a Home Depot, you are not getting into this country. Maybe this was the plan all along: Build the wall, and then sell Trump-brand circular saws to the Mexicans.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Dining While Naked
Trevor Noah took up the cause of a French restaurant at which clothing is disallowed. Unfortunately, Noah may be too late.
“France’s first nude restaurant is closing Feb. 16 — which means my Valentine’s Day reservation is still good to go! Yeah, you know, nothing quite says ‘love’ like spilling hot clam chowder on my genitals.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Can you imagine being a health inspector there? What happens, you just walk in and kill yourself?” — TREVOR NOAH
Frontier Airlines has started encouraging customers to tip their flight attendants. Is it an abomination, or a watershed in the airline industry? James Corden seems to think it’s more the former.
“Frontier flight attendants say the most valuable tip they’ve received so far is to go and work for another airline.” — JAMES CORDEN
“This is true, Frontier Airlines wants you to tip. Not to be outdone, Spirit Airlines wants you to kick in for gas money.” — JAMES CORDEN
“How do you tip a flight attendant? What are you supposed to be like? ‘Brett, these peanuts are to die for. And the way you poured a can of ginger ale into this flimsy plastic cup — mwah!’” — JAMES CORDEN
The Punchiest Punchlines (Amazon Edition)
“New research suggests that there is a connection between excessive social media use and risky decision making. You can read the entire study here.” — SETH MEYERS, showing an image of President Trump’s Twitter feed
“Apparently, romantic text messages between Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his new girlfriend have leaked to the press. Well, it depends on your definition of romantic. It’s a lot of, ‘Yeah, baby, do you like that? Then here’s a list of other things you might be interested in.’” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Kimmel: “Donald Trump puts the ‘tan’ in tantrum.”
Michael Kosta, a “Daily Show” correspondent, attended a protest led by government workers currently on furlough because of the shutdown.